Saturday, June 30, 2012

A secret little smile.

Well, I've done it! I interviewed for and got a job! I'm so happy, I can't even begin to tell you! The place that hired me is a pizza place where my brother also works. I was interviewed by someone I'd never met, and I didn't think I was going to get it, because the owner of the establishment has a policy against hiring siblings. Well, surprise surprise, I was lucky enough to get the job, and I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to work there!
Earlier in the day, I took a trip to Goodwill, where I bought nothing.
After Goodwill, I meandered into Salvation Army, and ended up going home with an old clutch purse with a silk lining, a 60's or 70's picnic kit with all of the original pieces, a Better Homes and Gardens binder/cookbook from the early 50's, and a little desk globe, which is also a vintage item, but I don't know enough about the evolution of desk globes to date it. Then again, does anyone? Is there a person out there who makes a living dating globes? If there is, and you're reading this, please come my way!
 Fancy a picnic, anyone?
The little clutch purse. Isn't it just the prettiest little thing you've ever seen?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

A few of my favorite things.

In the aftermath of yesterday, I find myself appreciating small moments of glee even more. I might, I maybe, have a job interview tomorrow. I got to see my father today. The bank sent me the PIN for the checking account I opened a few days ago (my first!). My father and I exchanged gifts, mine from Christmas, and his from Father's Day. He and my stepmother got me an array of perfect, wonderful things. First of these, and my favorite of all of them, were two How To Draw books, a fashion one from 1942 and a cat one from 1986. Both in perfect condition.
Lovely, aren't they?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This might be the end for the two of us.

I've kind of been putting off posting on here. Mainly because I don't know how to say what I want to say in less than a million words. I want to say everything that I have inside of my being, but if I did that you would be reading endlessly.
Today was horrid. A horrid, no good, very bad day, and after it, all I want to do is blog the bad things away.  It started with cleaning. That doesn't sound too bad, does it? Except that I'm apparently allergic to the cleanser. I got a horrible rash that itches like crazy, all over my hands. The funny thing is, that was the high point of my day.
Not long after this happened, I got in an awful fight with an old friend of mine, whom I've known for years. It was one of the first times I've stood up for myself, but it didn't make me feel good at all. He made me feel like a ridiculous jackass, and I refuse to believe that he just doesn't understand how I feel about his treatment of me, because we've talked about it many times. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to hang out with him in public, because I know that he will just pretend I'm not there as soon as he sees someone else he knows. And when I say he pretends I'm not there, I mean I could literally die in a large, hotly burning fire, and he still wouldn't even look at me. Call me old fashioned, but when a friend asks you to hang out, that is supposed to mean that they're actually going to talk to you, not just when you're the only person they know, right?
This might be the end for the two of us, as friends. Let's see if he can melt his way back into my cold, frozen heart. I'm not feeling particularly merciful.
After this, my mother got incredibly upset over salad ingredients, and I ended up in my room with two stale protein bars and a cup of coffee for supper.
I guess it could have been worse. Oh well, I should probably have spent my time finding a job rather than typing this and watching anime.
Well, attempting to watch anime. My mom's computer is on in the other room, so the internet is slower than a snail on the highway. I watched the entire series "Paradise Kiss" in a night, and now I'm 13 episodes into Mirai Nikki, but every time I try to watch it, my internet crashes. Until tonight, then.
I really wasn't into anime, until I went to an anime convention this past weekend. The reason I went is because I love cosplayers. I love their crazy-colored wigs and frilly dresses, plastic swords and hand-stitched jackets. Little did I realize, that the newest trend in Cosplaying, isn't to Cosplay any characters from anime, oh no...the newest trend in Cosplaying is....DOCTOR WHO!!! One of my favorite shows ever! Eek! I was so happy.
Yes, that is a picture of me hugging a David Tennant Cosplayer. Isn't he beautiful? I also saw Indiana Jones, Dr Horrible and Captain Hammer, numerous other David Tennants, and Toothless the Dragon. It was my heaven. But anyways, I started watching some anime when I was there, and I've continued watching it obsessively since I've been home.
I also brought home a souvineer for my sister, who got me into Sherlock. I stole it off of a door on the way out.

At least my internet isn't too slow to listen to indie music. The Head and the Heart it is tonight. They kind of remind me of Mumford & Sons. Listen to "Lost In My Mind" if you feel like checking them out. I think they're worth it.
I'm working on a couple of  DIY projects right now, and I'll post them when I finish. One of them is a skirt made from a child's dress, and the other is a bra that I'm sprucing up. I have other evil ideas as well, but I haven't started on any of those yet.
I couldn't really find a way to say anything that I wanted to, so I didn't. You're not really missing anything though, it was just the absentminded prattle of a post-teenage girl.


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Sweet things from quiet eras, quiet tunes to sweeten ears

I spent my entire day today watching Hollywood Treasures and catching up on this week's episodes of Lost Girl and Eureka that I missed. Well, that and filling my entire house up with smoke whilst experimenting with grilling inside a toaster oven. I do not suggest it.
Yesterday, at The Curiosity Shoppe--which is our newest local antique store--for four dollars I purchased four beautiful pins, which I was very sad that I forgot to include in a yesterday's post (although, I think it can be said that with the content matter, it would have been hard to fit in).
 So here they are now, an entire day late. Hmph. A short bit on each of them, then.
 Pretty pretty, pearly goodness. I have plans to sew this one into the clasp of a purse/backpack that I am making. It will make perfect sense when you see it.
 This one was so broken, and broken in so beautiful a way that I just had to have it. The chipped bronze paint in the middle of the fragments of flowers, and the way that the pin travels vertically over the tarnished backing, as well as the rose at the base (which is a bit hazy in this picture). Its brokenness is what made it the perfect piece for me to own.
 I have big plans for this one. Big, steampunk-related, plans.
This is a San Francisco pin from the 1980s. I love the 80s, and I plan to ultimately end up living in San Francisco someday.
Woo! Done with that now, and onto more fun things!
Upon getting my mail, I was ecstatic to find this bi-month's issue of Spin waiting for me. Spin is the magazine that got me into listening to indie music, fueling my love with synth-goth maven Zola Jesus, feeding me interviews with Cage the Elephant and (mainstream artist) My Chemical Romance to solidify my devotion to the magazine. Despite the fact that it was this publication that got me listening to both St Vincent and Smoke Fairies (opposite sides of the music spectrum), my devotion had faltered a bit, as I failed to read the past two issues (though I do have them in my room, so I could if I wanted, I guess). My reason? One had ICP on the cover, and the other had Das Racist, two bands whose music I thoroughly despise.
I was so happy to find that the cover of the newest issue of Spin isn't some crappy artist that I hate, on the contrary, it was shared by two people who apparently make up the newest indie powercouple (if there ever was one).

I was so happy that Spin had reverted back to articles featuring both indie rock bands I've loved for a long time, and articles about ones that I'd never heard of. I skirted around the hiphop and rap reviews, briefly scanning those about dubstep, sinking deep into those on indie rock, while writing down names of bands and artists that caught my eye.

My list includes: Wavves, Best Coast, Purity Ring, The Head and the Heart, Swedish House Mafia, White Rabbits, Sun Araw, and Charles Manson. And when I say Charles Manson, I mean THE Charles Manson. No, I had no idea that he released an album either. Apparently when he wasn't brainwashing runaways and trying to start a race war, he liked to strum his guitar and sing. I must say, his music actually isn't that bad.
The checks are by the artists that I have listened to thus far. I'm sorry my handwriting is so awful.
White Rabbits are an okay band, and if you want to listen to them, I would suggest "I'm Not Me". It's a good representation of their sound. I would never assume that they were my next favorite band or anything, but their music would do as background music for studying or a mellow-ish party you were hosting. It gives me these images in my head, of people standing around with glasses of wine in their hands, chatting as it plays from a boombox somewhere behind them. They take no notice, give no appreciation, but it fills up the emptiness in the room in a way none of them can understand.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

If I never saw the sun again

There are places in this world...where the sky hangs low and the clouds betray me, where the darkness grabs me in its embrace and refuses to let me go. These are the places where I spend my darkest hours, in mind, even if not in body. Sometimes the sun basks me in light and energy, but I am blind to it and walk in my own night. Sometimes I walk in the night, through the fingers of the lonely street lamps trying soothe the pain of the wanderer's walk, with nothing but sunlight inside me.
Sometimes I feel neither of these, and merely sit to think. Today is one of those days. There isn't any light here, no energy, but there also is not any of the darkness. Today, I
When I was a child around the age of 8, I have a distinct memory of sitting in my father's car, during one of our routine scenic drives, speaking with him on the subject of love.
Now, it was not uncommon for us to talk about love, because I was always curious about what a father's love entailed. Would he die for me? Had he loved me since before I was born? Before he was born? Would he love me if I killed a man? If I died for my sins?
This day, however, was different. I asked him a question that had been boiling inside me for some time, that I had been too afraid to ask.
"Dad," I asked, "would you love me if I was a lesbian?"
The thirty seconds that it took for him to speak were the longest of my life. I remember sitting there, a terrified little girl, grasping the edges of my seat with my sweaty hands, praying to God that I would never have to find out if the answer he gave me would turn out to be true or not. I never wanted to put it to the test.  Never. Never. Never.
A decade later, I sit at my netbook, blogging about this memory, a proud but still closeted bisexual. My father doesn't know about my sexual orientation and I do not plan on telling him until I am fully grown and completely independent. The last time I saw him, at my high school graduation, it was my first time seeing him in almost a year, and I wondered if underneath his proud smile and receding hairline there was that unfailing fatherly love that I had so dearly loved to test as a child. Tumblr_m59olaf57w1rvivlko1_500_large

My father and I had a rift, nearly five years ago, and I refused to keep seeing him. He wanted to sweep everything under the rug, to just be father and daughter again and not speak of all the clouds hanging over us. However, too many things had happened since those car rides through the countryside, and my heart was too broken to continue.
In recent times, I have made the decision to let my father back into my life and to stay actively in contact with him. I know that our relationship will never be able to be what it used to be, but not because of him. Purely because of me.
No matter what though, no matter where my heart goes or who I love, I will never forget that day, when I asked my dad,"Would you love me if I was a lesbian?"
He waited 30 seconds, so that he could find a safe place to stop in the road. After the car wasn't moving, he turned to look me in the eye, and in a steady, firm voice, he said, "Yes."

I don't understand people who claim that we choose our own sexual orientation. Why would I choose to be ridiculed and shunned for loving differently? It's true, I could deny feelings that I have for women, and only indulge those towards men, but as long as those feelings existed, I would still be bisexual. I feel how I feel; this isn't something that can be helped or changed. And I really don't need any helping or changing, because there is nothing wrong with me.
The way I see it, love is love. Any type of love is better than hatred, bigotry, and ignorance.  Whether it be the unconditional love of a father, or the loving devotion of another woman. If you deny any type of love, then what are you really supporting?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Cosmic Clubbing (A night to remember)

Where the flowers dance, part II

After about a half an hour of searching Facebook's help center for a way to post pictures via text message, I finally did it! Here are my pictures from my trip to Disney World, and I am incredibly sorry that my photography skills are not quite where they should be. 
From the glassblower's shop in the Magic Kingdom. I sent this picture to my best friend Leah. These birds represent the two of us. Also notice the "in a perfect world" plaque behind it..I didn't until I posted it online, and it cracked me up. 
This made me so happy. The week that we were at Disney was the week after Star Wars weekend, and the vendors were still trying to get rid of excess Star Wars merchandise. When I got this little guy, he was full of popcorn. I have since adopted him and brought him home with me. I'm going to make him into a purse. 
Another shot of my awesome bag. I love this thing so freaking much. You have no idea. 
Lizard friend. I tried to give him a tiny piece of popcorn, but it offended him. He scurried away to a safer distance and spent the rest of the time I was sitting there staring at me, giving me his evilest glare. I didn't even know that lizards could give evil glares before this little guy. 
An absolutely horrid picture of the inside of my hotel, but the only one I took. The main lobby was awesome! It had relics from every decade lining the walls in these glass cases that were actually set into the wall. The resort we stayed at was the Pop Century, and it was a lot of fun, and the staff was incredibly friendly.
Alice in Wonderland poster from the Walt Disney museum, in Hollywood Disney. I love the art from Alice in Wonderland. 
Plans for the new Little Mermaid ride that should be opening sometime next year!
My brother made a friend. Unfortunately, he only liked him for his food. 
In the French part of the World Showcase in Epcot, there were all of these really good smelling soaps wrapped in maps of Paris. Their scent reminded me of Pez...but in a very good way. :)

Where the flowers dance

So, here I am, back again. I had a lovely week in Florida, despite making the discovery that I am allergic to something in Pepto Bismol. I'm trying to find away to get the pictures off of my phone, but until then, I'm just going to put pictures of what I brought home, and steal whatever ones my brother put on facebook (if he added any).
Yeah, this is the only one my brother posted to his Facebook page:

Pretty though, isn't it? It makes me happy just to look at it.
Now, for my contraband.
 I bought this bag at the World Showcase in Epcot for 50 dollars. It was well worth it, because Yellow Submarine is my favorite animated movie (I grew up with it) and you can't find merchandise from it anywhere. Epcot is my favorite park in Disney World, and my favorite ride there is called Captain EO. It's a 3D movie experience revived from 1986, that stars Michael Jackson as its title character. The story is brought to life not only by the glasses, but also by the theater, which shakes with every explosion and drum beat. It's really sad, that Captain EO isn't more popular than it is, because not only is it an amazing ride, but it also shares a wonderful message, that worlds can be changed with methods other than war and violence.
 Here is a close up of the logo on my bag.
 This is the lining of the pocket on the front. This is what made me absolutely HAVE to have this bag. The money that I spent on it was actually my graduation money that was supposed to be saved for college (I'm bad, I know...).
 This is the tag that came with the bag. It's made of foam, so it isn't disposable. I'll probably do some sort of DIY with it later.
 This is a cookie cutter that I got from the same store. Thankfully, it was only a fraction of the price of the bag. The reason this was a necessity was because I collect odd things. Anything that seems bizarre, I just NEED. I can't wait to cook hundreds and hundreds of submarine cookies...
And finally, my Snow White bow. I don't know if I posted about this already, but in my group of friends, each person has a Disney Princess (or character). Mine is Snow White, which fits for me, because not only is my hair in the style of hers (I always have a bow in it), but it's also my favorite Disney Princess movie. It's amazing, because I didn't choose her for me, everyone else did. It made me happy.
And now I am home, home from the place where the flowers dance, and the lion is always king. So many stories I can't wait to share, but for now, I'm signing off, so as to not bore you. To borrow a quote from Louise Brooks: "I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you, it will be with a knife."

Monday, June 11, 2012

I'm beginning to think this disease is incurable.

Depressed tonight. Shocking, isn't it? It's just friend stuff again. I hate feeling as though I have to fight just to be loved, and I know they would die if I ever told them I felt that way. But it never goes away. I have deep set abandonment issues. And trust issues. And no-one-will-ever-truly-love-me issues. It makes me be unfair to people.
As sad as I am right now, I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that I had a lovely day today and am leaving for Disney the day after tomorrow, so things can't really be as bad as they seem.
But as bright as the future appears, I know that my depression isn't going anywhere. It will lurk, forever at the corners of my eyes, trying to tint everything I see. Guess I need a pair of rose-tinted glasses to banish those clouds away.
Today I went to Goodwill to do some last minute vacation shopping. All I wanted was a pair of sandals. I ended up coming home with lingerie (which I am NOT picturing),
 a faux leather bag (the brand is Relic) with a design engraved onto it,
 a fairy documentary (directed by John Walker),
 and a fairy sticker book.
 My friends thought that the blackberry fairy reminded them of me the most. I guess I can see it, but I don't think that I sleep that much.
Inside the fairy sticker book are four landscapes, one for each of the four seasons. This is the landscape for Spring.
I know you're probably wondering, what happened to upset me so. If it was my right to tell you, I would. But as it's not my story to tell, and I'm not one to gossip, I'm just going to let you ponder. Make up a story in your head. It's probably a lot better than the real one.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Heart of a runaway

This almost never happens to me, but...

I was looking online in a few different places, and I got DIY-inspired. Here are my ideas:
 Alright, this first one is the top to a dress from Modcloth's Be the Buyer. And while I doubt that it'll make it onto the site, it gave me an idea. What if you used this style of knotting to make a t-shirt into a tank top?
You could even make the space between the knots really large, so that you only needed a few, to make it look more boho and simple.
Let me try this out sometime in the next few days or so, and I'll let you know how it goes.
This is the one that I am super excited about. This picture is from a Tumblr post, so you might have seen it before. The next time I'm at the grocery store, I'm going to buy a hole-punch, grab an old hardcover book, and get to town on this! It's the perfect way to commemorate a summer, a relationship, anything!

DIY--Hipster Shorts

So...from the 13th to the 20th, I will not be posting anything, because my family and I are taking a trip to Disney World. Woot! I know! I'm so excited! I've literally been looking forward to it for weeks! Today marks the fact that I have only 3 days left until I leave! Until's a DIY for you!
 I love doing these DIYs! It's been too long since I actually did one...that's how I feel. My creative energy just needed to get out.
This project is all about the folding technique, and since I'd already made them before I posted this...I just folded the end product.
 Fold it like you would a paper fan.
And once it is completely folded, secure it in place with pieces of string, tied taut around it.
Dip it into bleach and then take it out and let the color lighten as much as you want it to. **My bleach mixture was 2/3 bleach and 1/3 water. Whatever yours is, it's very important to wear gloves!
Once your shorts are done lightening, rinse all remaining bleach out of them. Allow to dry.
Here are how my shorts turned out:
 And the back....

Friday, June 8, 2012

I find Fiona Apple to be quite unimpressive (the days of late)

So what have I been up to since graduating, you wonder? Well, you actually probably don't, but my eagerness to overshare causes me to tell you anyways.
For starters, I got a large chunk of money from various people. All in all it totaled up to about 500 dollars. I've never had 500 dollars before in my life. Never. Right now it's resting in a Nightmare Before Christmas themed cookie jar on a shelf in my room.
I also cleaned my room. Completely. Every shelf, every corner, every container. This has never happened. I have absolutely never done this before in my life. It was such a large undertaking that two of my beautiful friends, Leah and Cooper, came over and helped me. Now, my entire room is in order, and my bed is finally fixed...just in time for me to move out in two months.
But this was not all I accomplished. I also bought a vintage cocktail dress from the 80s on a trip with friends, and then promptly went back to Leah's house and got "married" to her in it. Here are a few pictures from our lovely wedding album:

It was a long night, so in the end, I took the suitcase and ran. The veil I'm wearing is from her sister's wedding, and the headband of flowers is actually one that I made for her back in December. 
Or maybe November. I'm not entirely certain.
I also dyed my hair the color of a candied apple. I don't know if you can really tell from this picture how bright it camera kind of sucks. And I have no idea why I'm making that face. Oh God, haha.
A few of you might have also noticed that I have started linking my Polyvore account with this blog, and posted outfits and collages and things. This is a change of things, and I hope that you enjoy it. It won't be happening as much as it has been, because I was antsy to figure everything out this week, so I posted many more images than I usually would.
However, I hope you enjoy getting to see my eclectic style, and how I would dress in a perfect world.
I will now end this post with a picture of my new birdcage.
I bought it for 15 dollars at Goodwill, and I'm going to modify it to make it a jewelry holder. I'll be sure to post it on here once I figure the entire thing out.