My heart has seen the ages (graduation day)

My heart has seen the ages

Flicking past

Like a passenger on a train.

The blur of trees and towns

Kings and queens

Castles and skyscrapers

Until nothing is certain anymore.

As a part of me, it wanders

Like a villain

Through these timelines

Never waking.

A somnambulist

Forever dreaming

Of what it let die.

Today I finally graduated. And yes, that is a Hello Kitty head purse sitting next to me on the sofa. I forced my brother to hold onto it for the entire ceremony. :)

At the bottom of my heart, there's really not much.

So today was mildly traumatic for me. I crashed my brother's car. There's not much damage, and no one was hurt, but my mother's reactions hurt just as bad as they always do. I went into my room and cried.
A friend, Felicia, showed up at my door spontaneously, because she must have some sort of radar for when something is wrong. For the next hour, she helped me get everything in order and clean my room. It's about halfway done, but the hardest parts of this battle are finished. I just didn't want her to leave.
In another situation with a friend, things are not going so happily, and I wish that I could just fly away from all of this, I wish that I could just be like Enid, from the movie Ghost World.

It's time for me to hang up my star halo and let Hello Kitty take the smaller things away from me. I have important things to deal with.

Keeping my inner child satiated

Today was difficult. Not emotionally, merely physically. Last night I stayed at a friend's house with a few other girls, and one of them forgot their sleeping pills, and therefore was awake all night. Because she and I are such close friends, I stayed up with her, much to the chagrin of everyone else there. I think that I eventually drifted into slumber around 6 or 7 in the morning. 

I woke up at ten, it could have been worse. After that, however, I had to go out to the Secretary of State and renew my driving permit, even though I despise driving and ultimately want to end up living in a city where I don't have to. The wait was incredibly long, and I didn't have any food in my stomach, due to the fact that I waited so long to wake up. I eventually ate at 2, and I can honestly tell you that that meal of a bagel with butter and dusted with garlic dipped in spaghetti sauce was the best concoction in the entire world to me at that moment. I mean, I like it anyways, because there's garlic and spaghetti sauce, but you know what I mean. 

After lunch, I was sent to the laundromat to put in a load, and once I arrived home from there I was promptly put to work cleaning. And once the cleaning was done, I went and sat through a play, written by local playwright Scott Philips, so I got to end my tiring day with a nice laugh. Thanks Scott. :)

 Out in my yard, I have an array of flowers blooming. As a surprise for Leah, I'm pressing some of them for her. (It's okay, she doesn't read this blog. She doesn't even have internet!)

 Here are her lovely flowers again. I'm going to steal a few other blossoms from a well-endowed tree next door, to add to this collection. I'll keep you updated on my scavenging!

 And here's an "artsy" closeup...aka I have a crappy camera, but I love it anyway.

 I got a large box of old Christmas stuff from my friend, Ashley, last night. This beautiful star garland was in it. It reminds me of how in kindergarten and first grade, they would make halos out of this stuff and sell them to us for fifty cents each. I remember, I was always so jealous of all of the lucky girls who wore them so proudly. My family wasn't in the best of financial straits back then, so every penny counted, and I couldn't be spared the money to buy one. Needless to say, even at age 18, when I found this garland, I was completely overjoyed, as well as inspired.

 I also found four random boxes, and due to my boredom decided to write random things on the tops of them. Pardon my language on this one. I just had to.

 Random hipster thing. I guess. That's why I added the heart. I can't deny that I'm a little bit of a hipster, and though the word carries a lot of negative connotation, I don't think that it's a bad thing.

 This is the point where you get to decide whether this box is being shockingly devious or plainly boring.

 Not the truth, but I couldn't think of anything good for this one.

 Here they are, all jumbled together. Don't they just look like they're organizing a revolution?

 Tada! I made my star halo! It makes my inner child very happy.

Here I am, in my lovely halo. For some reason, I always make that face when I take pictures of myself. I'm not entirely sure why.

If I dance these days away.

My first week of being a free agent! Most of my time has been spent with friends and cruising online. Nothing earth shattering. I haven't discovered the cure for any diseases yet, but hey, give it time. 

 Found an abandoned house when Felicia and I went to visit Leah. It's pretty, isn't it? I wonder of those orbs are all a bunch of ghosts. More likely than not, they're just balls of dust. But a girl can dream!

 Here is Leah, investigating the old outhouse from the house we found. Most of the floor had fallen victim to time already, but the cement parts were still intact. Shortly after this picture was taken, the neighbors of the abandoned house came out with dogs and chased us away from it.
After being chased away from the abandoned house, we went stargazing and were terrorized by more baying dogs, though they were fenced in, so it only sounded as though they were coming to rip us apart. Sadly, I do not have any pictures of this, because stargazing is something that is done in the dark, and the flash of a camera in that sort of stillness is absolutely unholy. And, it wouldn't have caught any star pictures anyway.

 Leah's sister was kind enough to lock all of us out and leave us to find our own way inside, even though she was sitting on the sofa, watching television.

 Oh look! I took an "artsy" picture of a light. Ooooh. Aaah. Can't you just feel my boredom radiating off of this webpage? We were in the garage for at least 15 minutes, probably more.

 I'm leaving for vacation in a few days, so I prepped my suitcase by spray painting it gold-bronze. Isn't it lovely?

 Here it is, not looking so blurry. You can see a few mistakes on the front, but I love them. They give the piece so much more character!

 A close up of the buckle. I thought it looked especially pretty.

 Reconnecting with my My Chemical Romance music, I was inspired to make this Party Poison shirt. I made it by bleaching the design in, then painting it with acrylic paint, and putting parchment paper over the paint and ironing it.

 A better picture, again not as blurry.

 My wall. Boredom again.

 Another picture of the Party Poison shirt.

Yep. The final one.

Rooms

This world will survive without us. (And that's the hardest part)

Tomorrow is my last day of high school ever. I am going to go to my classes, go through the motions, have a few parties, and end the day with tears of bittersweet joy as I say goodbye to all of these wonderful and at times infuriating people. These have been the best and worst years of my life thus far. And now it's time to say goodbye.
Next Monday, the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen will come to school. The parking lot will be harder to fill, but next year there will be more kids coming of age to get their licenses, and it will be difficult to navigate again. Mrs Dolbee's second hour Advanced Literature class will be empty of students, with nothing left of us but our names painted on her wall. But next year, the desks will be full again, and someone will paint over us.
This is the cycle of life, I guess. Every rite of passage marks a sort of death, an end to a time of our lives we can't get back again. But just because my teenage self is dying, this angst-ridden punk rocker, that doesn't mean that I won't be fully reborn. I will be back to roam these halls, at reunions and nostalgic whims, a different person than when I navigated them previously. I have grown, and will continue to do so.

 And so this is my final gesture to this school. I am bringing these heart-shaped, poptart cookies in for my second hour (and other friends). One final way to show my love for the end of these crucial years. Let's hope the next four are even better.

Top 5 of the Week

Sorry I've been neglecting this part of the blog! I've been really busy, prepping for graduation! Mostly I've been trying to give my grades a last minute boost by doing any work that I didn't feel like doing during the trimester. The only two classes that I did all of my work for were Newspaper and my Advanced Literature class, because they're the ones that are most important to me.
So this week, even though I KNOW I don't do this weekly, it's my top five favorite.....ACTORS. No actresses, I'm saving that one for when I run out of ideas of what to do for top 5 spotlights. Most of you probably haven't heard of most of them. The majority of them are close to middle age and British.
Oh, and I don't know the terms of use with pictures of people, but no copyright infringement is intended by using them!

 1. Andrew Lee Potts
I love this man. I first saw him in Syfy's miniseries, Alice, as the Hatter. After this, I mercilessly stalked his Wikipedia page, looking for anything else that he was in. Lo and behold, he is in a certain British show called Primeval. Only the first couple seasons are played on Syfy, and only occasionally, but I never miss a single one. Never. I love this man, and his accent.

 2. Benedict Cumberbatch
If there's anyone out there who hasn't seen the new, British adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, simply entitled Sherlock, then I heartily suggest that you do. It is my favorite new show. Cumberbatch is absolutely amazing as the title character!

 3. David Tennant
On the British television series Doctor Who, he played Doctor number eleven, and since then he has been voted the best Doctor of all time. He was replaced a couple years ago by a man named Matt Smith, who is not nearly as good. Sorry, Matt Smith. It's just the truth. NO ONE can be David.

 4. John Simm
Also from Doctor Who, he played the Doctor's arch nemesis and fellow Timelord, the Master. No one can play a psycho like this man. He was absolutely amazing. I recommend all episodes where he guest stars. 

5. Misha Collins
He played Castiel in the hit TV show Supernatural. His "angel" voice is one of the sexiest things I've ever heard in my life. Not gonna lie.

DIY--Bronze Spraypaint Fun

Happy Mother's Day to all who are celebrating! Today I got to spend time with my sister, and eat food with tons of garlic in it. If that's not a day well-spent, I don't know what is.
Anyway, as soon as the family was gone and the Manchester United flag my mom received was hung above the archway in our living room, I hightailed my ass outside with a can of spraypaint, a pair of shoes, a stencil, and a t-shirt.
And then I went to town.

 The entire set, between paintings. The can appears to be stalking my shoes at this point.

 Here's the entire shirt. Sorry, it's hard to see because of the sun.

 Close up of the swallows. Lovely. Beautiful. I used a Miu Miu downloadable that I found on Cut Out and Keep. You can get it at the following URL.
 http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/diy-miu-miu-swallow-top

 The birds, after spraying. I only used four of them, because I thought cutting out many more would just be too many. I don't like how Miu Miu uses so many swallows on every damn thing they do. A girl needs to have a little moderation with her bird design!

 The shoes, just waiting for a nice dusting of bronze. They actually look at bit scared, one is hiding behind the other. Then again, it might just be a bit camera shy.

 My swallows, how they dance in the sunlight.

 A very artsy shot of the can. Cough cough. It's bronze, again.

Look at me, look at me, I've got stardust all over my toes. :)
I'm going to love wearing these.

Our dirty hands will fill this void.

Today has been a day of amending many things. Friendships, former friendships, friendships-to-be. It's barely nine at night, and I'm so exhausted I feel as though I might just fall off of my feet and into some mad abyss.
But still, I know I've done well today, and that makes everything worth it.

I want to breathe, and now I will. 

DIY--Drawing With Bleach

Yes! See? I told you I'd post one soon. It's been a long time, I know, but I felt like it was time.
This didn't take me that much time, and it looks pretty cool, no?
It's really difficult to keep the fabric in place to paint on it with the bleach, but by gum, I think I've done it!

I drew light bulbs because it seemed somehow appropriate for a black shirt. The smear you see on the left shoulder (its right, our left) is leftover chalk from where I drew a draft of the design.
For this, what you need is a wee bit of bleach, gloves, a bucket of water, a paint brush, chalk, and cardboard. Oh, and make sure you do it outside.
Put the cardboard in the shirt to keep it as taught and rigid as possible. Use chalk to draw in your design. It can be anything. A picture, text, whatever.
Using your brush, paint bleach over the chalk.
Allow to set, until you can see that the fabric has lightened considerably.
Dunk shirt in bucket of water to rinse out excess bleach.
Allow to dry before wearing.

I'm just a stargazer at heart

Yes...I have made a playlist for looking at the stars. These are just a few songs that give me a sense of peace. Some of them are obscure indie tunes, but most of them are easy to find. I promise.
I hope that you enjoy this. I enjoyed making this.

1. Mechanical Bride "Umbrella (cover)"

2. Emmy The Great "North"

3. Augustana "Sweet And Low (acoustic)"

4. Mumford & Sons "The Cave"

5. Smoke Fairies "Dragon"

6. Emmy The Great "Paper Forest (In the Afterglow of Rapture)"

7. Laura Marling "Goodbye England (Covered in Snow)"

8. Brandi Carlile "Turpentine (acoustic)"

9. The Paper Kites "Willow Tree March"

Sunshine and sparkles and all the nice things

So, it's not a day to remember or anything, but I woke up with a smile on my face this morning, and that makes it special to me. I spent the night at Leah's last night, and I can honestly tell you that she is my favorite person in the entire world.
Around 12:30, I was escorted into town by her father, who dropped me off for the last couple moments of church, and then I meandered--somewhat reluctantly--home to eat salad and a vegetarian burger. After this, I went out to do my favorite chore. It's not even really a chore to me. I swept my front porch and steps, taking care and being meticulous with my broom, making certain not to miss a single nook or cranny.
I had my special music in my ears the entire time I was doing this--not my Chevelle or anything of that sort, oh no. Sweeping the front porch calls for a special type of music. Lesley Gore, vintage Madonna, Herman's Hermits, perhaps a nip of Amy Winehouse or She and Him, if I feel a bit like cheating.
My soul is absolutely flying today. I don't think anything could damper my spirits.
Upon cleaning out our house, my mother gave me these salt and pepper shakers from the 1950s to put in my apartment someday. They are absolutely the most darling things I have ever seen. Here they are, nestled with my mushroom jars for now.

Stay tuned for a DIY soon! I have just made a present for my sister's birthday, and I also have my graduation open house coming up soon, which I will be making all of my own centerpieces for. I've missed the old days when this was a DIY blog, and I've decided to bring that back soon!
Can't wait to show you my newer projects!

Rain.

Today, again, a man let me down. This time, however, I don't believe it was his fault, nor the fault of his gender. While getting together with an old friend, I was faced with the reality that I no longer have any place in his life. I am an anachronism, a part of the past which should remain in the past, along with all of my nonsensical musings and his teasings of asking "How does your garden grow?"
But since returning home, I've been wondering the answer to that question. Not just because I went through a rash of teasings centered around "mistress Mari, quite contrary," but because I haven't felt much like blossoming in the past few weeks. How does my garden grow? Where have all of my flowers gone? Why did the sunshine fade away?
More so, why so many weeds have to grow between people? Why must there constantly be things keeping us apart?

My idols are dead and my enemies are in power. It's a quote from Dangerous Minds, I looked it up. This is the state of mind I constantly feel like I'm in. Especially living in a town like this, where there aren't a lot of flowers in my garden, so very few people nestled in my aching, bloody heart.
As if the sky itself felt pity for me, it immediately began to rain as I arrived home. Nothing more precious, no more of a saving grace could have revived me so. I took pictures out of my windows, just so that I could share the beauty of my sanctuary with you.

 Raindrops dancing with the lilac bush....

 clinging to the windows....

and hiding behind the curtains.
The rain will always save me, and bring me back from whatever peril.Without it, I would not live.
My wanderlust consumes me now. I want to see the rain from every point of view. Is the rain in Istanbul any different than rain in Portugal? Someday I will have seen the rain from every view, in every country in the world. Until then, until then....