Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Diary thoughts.

Once again, my knight in shining armor was a fraud. The boy who seemed like such a golden-hearted gentleman turned out to be nothing more than a shallow whore. It seems like it has been this way with every man that I have ever had feelings for. They have all had a fatal flaw, that sends my affection spiraling into the depths, burning to oblivion.
One told lies to my best friend, because he was jealous of my connection with her. Another cheated on me with numerous other women, because he didn't feel like waiting to see me. Yet another one dumped me for my virginity, which I offered to lose. Even one more screamed at me, calling me names and tearing me apart, simply because he couldn't stand to see others happy when he was not. One of them liked to hit me. Another simply found someone else and left me to discover for myself.
High school sucks. I cannot wait to make it to college and find new scores of men, freshly matured and ready for something honest, real, and healthy. I just feel like escaping these people would be escaping the hell in which I have lived for so many years.
I can't even wait to think about men, or the problems they bring with them. I need to get a license and a car first. I need to piece my life together before I add extra components to it.
I am a torn and bloody soul. This I have always known. Some people are born with true strength, the power to conquer anything and everything without half a thought. They barely shed a tear, and bear every burden without a smudge of bitterness or anger. I am not one of these people. I have to fight my way through every setback, battling my mingling emotions of mounting terror at the prospect of failure, as well as disappointment in my self. However, for every person, there is an Eden, a heaven on earth that calls their name. Whether it is a house with a white picket fence and two children, or the snow-tipped peaks of the Himalayas, it will call them until they see find it. Every man has a paradise. For every person, there is a Utopia.

No comments:

Post a Comment