Okay, Ihad a ton of lace and nothing to do with it, so I mixed up a bottle of black spraypaint and went to town. This was after a long, stressful day that was absolutely no fun.
Also, I would like to wish my boyfriend a happy nine month anniversary. I love you, Aaron. Thank you for so much kindness and endless patience.
Lay pants flat.
Put lace over pants, as flat as possible.
Take your can of premixed spraypaint (from previous DIY) and spray fabric liberally on one pant leg.
On the other pant leg, spray fabric thoroughly, though not as much.
Flip pants over and repeat steps on back. A warning, your fingers will get cramped. I switched to using my thumb to push the button down near the end.
Allow pants to dry completely before even thinking of moving them.
Viola! You're done.